I was on my boyfriend’s beach house for the weekend. We had so much fun. Since I like to spend my time reading or on a computer to relax and he likes to do active sports, we divided the days. Saturday we did what he wanted and Sunday was my day. On Friday we went to a party of his family.
The party was ok. To be honest I was kind-of bored. I was mainly talking with my bf, something I could do on the comfort of the bed. Anyways, somewhere in conversation with him he says, “I like how butts looks on really tight jeans”. Hu? I don’t remember how the conversation started but I knew how it was going to end. I can’t believe he said that.
Let me give you a brief, I have a very tiny butt, almost non-existent. Among us Caribbean girls, that is a rare quality. Everyone has (Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian, Vida Guerra style) big butts and when someone doesn’t it’s usually a mocking parade. When I was in middle school people laughed at me and made me feel very insecure about myself. I tried to work with it wearing short skirts or showing a bit of my upper cleavage (which thank God I’m a full C) to divert the attention. It took me a while but eventually I got over it. I’m very proud and grateful of my body the way it is. Since, I never show my insecurities, confidence is key to looking your best.
So, my boyfriend saying this was like a dagger on my chest. I like to think that he likes my looks and not that he settle. I would definitely think he is hot even if I weren’t in love with him. A million thoughts crossed my mind and my insecurities came rushing in. I can’t change the fact that I have a very tiny butt so why would he say something like that? I firmly believe that when you’re in love you do see your partner with more soft eyes and you find everything cute and sexy. But I’m a 5’4 brunette and I would never marry a man who thinks his fantasy girl is a 6-foot blond with blue eyes even if he loved me. I want to marry someone that thinks I’m hot and likes me, besides being in love with me.
He quickly notices the confused and disappointed expression on my face and explained that he didn’t mean it like that. Then he changes the argument saying that I always say I want to be with someone more caring and more affectionate. Really? Is that comparable? I don’t think so. I explained to him that those things where to improve our relationship and easily accomplished. I would never say something hypothetically like “I’m really hot for short guys” when he has an insecurity for being tall (he is 6’3 but not insecure about it at all). Considering the fact that he can’t change his height, it would’ve been mean. Then he said that what he meant was that he likes how butt looked on tight jeans disregarding the size of the butt. Could be, that he meant that way but why didn’t he said it on the first place? Well, at the end he realized that the comment was out of place and he did apologized.
Beauty comes in different sizes and colors. Finding someone that appreciates your natural beauty is like finding gold at the end of the rainbow.
Hope you had a nice weekend!
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27 comments:
You know what's weird? I've found that dudes often don't care about the size of their parmour's butt/boobs/face as compared to other women. They get really excited about the butt/boob they ACTUALLY GET TO TOUCH!
Still...the comment was a little insensitive of him. :-(
men have a funny way of complimenting, they think they sound nice when it insults us lol...i'm sure he meant it sweetly,my husband once said I look hot with all the weight I lost even though I have no boobs now! uhhhh thanks? lol anyway thanks for the comment and nice to meet you!
I'm sure he didn't mean it to hurt your feelings. You are fine the way you are and if he wasn't happy or satisfied with you I don't think he would be with you. Don't let it get you down :)
I know what you mean, my boyfriend had always been with blonde girls before me, I was the first brunette, and I knew he had a soft spot for blondes so I always felt a little insecure. Until one of his friends said how lucky my bf was since he had always wanted to date a short brunette! I don't know why my bf didn't just say that in the beginning!! Also, I have done the survey and I really LIKE the new layout!! It's stunning!
I am on your side because i don't have a big butt either. It's almost non-existent too. Plus, i don't have a big chest too how unfortunate is that? It's a constant struggle to face my mocking co-workers whenever the topic is about boobs and butts.
Your bf sure don't mean that. He knows you're more than all of that.
You know what. I think your guy had no intention of offending you and he probably meant what he later explained he did. I do get where your insecurities come from though, cause physically I'm the opposite of you (flat chested and big-butt) and I really wish it wasn't so. :(
Maybe it's not his intention to hurt your feelings, but I do understand why you feel that way. It's so disgusting that other men see beauty on boobs and butt. If that would be the standard of beauty then I am ugly cause unfortunately I wasn't blessed with big boobs and big butt.
But I know your BF didn't mean to hurt you. I am sure there'e something in you that he treasures the most.
I'm sorry your boyfriend made you feel weird about that particular area of your body but honestly, we're all beautiful.
I know for myself, I've put on some weight and it bugs me - but I am doing something about it.
Even though I have put on some weight, my fiancee still thinks I'm sexy and loves holding me.
I'm 5'5 and before I had put some on, not a lot, I had issues with my figure. I just hope that once I lose the weight, I don't complain anymore, simply because I miss how my figure looked prior.
We're woman and some of us embrace our bodies and others find everything wrong with it. I think the older we get, the more confindent we become and will learn to accept ourselves just the way we are.
I know for some girls my age, they love their bodies and don't care. I admire girls with that much confidence. It makes me wish I was like that. I think I am but with other things.
Regardless, your boyfriend loves you and that's all that really matters.
I get what you mean. I dated a guy (only one guy I ever dated) who didn't like girls with big boobs. Go figure. I happen to be more than well equipt in that area (a DD) and I was like really, why would say that to me?
So, just wanted you to know i feel your pain! ha ha.
Love,
B
aww, i'm sorry about that. but you're completely right, beauty comes in different shapes and sizes. i have a small chest and not much of a butt, but i don't really mind. :)
http://whatmimiwrites.blogspot.com/
I have a huge butt... I guess I've always been self conscious about my weight. I was a super fat kid. You are absolutely right though. We need to find a way to appreciate beauty the way it should be, not through the lens of someone else. The most important thing though is to remain healthy I think. There is a point where you are too fat or too skinny... any Dr. could tell you that.
Here here for small butts girlfriend! I'm so with you :-).
P.S I also don't think your BF tried to insult you with his comment, bud didn't realize that we as women analyze every single thing that comes out of the mouths of men and are always comparing ourselves to the next girl no matter how much we try to deny it.
i have no butt either, you know i've had a really interesting journey body image wise(i had weight loss surgery at 18 and have had to have several surgeries over the years to fix things that no amount of working out would ever fix). Going through the various stages of size have really made me realize how every woman, no matter what size, struggles with what it means to be beautiful. cheesy as it sounds, it's an answer we can only find within our selves and more often than not it's a journey. i'm just grateful today to be at a place where i can look back and see the progress i've made in accepting myself, despite still having a long way to go. it's a day by day thing..for all women. i hope you find some of the serenity i have, you are truly beautiful :)
i definitely dont think he meant to hurt your feelings. my hubby says things like that too. i've recently grown a bit of a butt (its still small, lol) and he says "omg your butt is so big! i love it!" haha. they mean well.
You are so cool!
I will have to tell you no butt looks very good with the right jeans :)
I have no butt too:)
Guys say A LOT of stupid stuff A LOT... I am sorry it hurt your feelings and i understand.
Following you back and good luck in my giveaway :)
XOXO
Frenchy
Just gave you an award on my blog :-)
I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend upset you made you feel that way. I totally agree that beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes and EVERYONE is beautiful in their own unique way.
I have no butt either but I've also got no boobs too! I have insecurities about it of course but I try (hard) to look at my other features which I like.
Thankyou so much for visiting my blog and becoming a follower! I really appreciate comments =) I love the layout and style of your blog, it's gorgeous!
Thanks for all the support!
Now that I'm not upset about it, I do think he didn't intent to offend me... Maybe next time he actually THINKS before speaking. lol
Guys say things sometimes... yeah, sometimes we just let thoughts out there. We get used to just speaking our minds around our girlfriends. When you're with someone for so much time, you can forget that sometimes saying whatever the hell is running through your head is not the best idea.
I think that guys can be more thoughtless... but also that we are sometimes less likely to realize when a girl says something mean. We don't like to act emotional and make a scene so we often do the unfortunate trick of letting the comment get to us over time and then bringing it up later in some angry rant.
And when it comes to bodies, I think that guys are more similar to girls than most people think... we develop some sort of preferences, but mostly, if we like someone, we like touching her and we like seeing her naked, even if she didn't match our original "type."
sometimes boys just straight up don't get it! think before you speak boys!!!
Awwww, sweet girl! I'm sure he was just thinking about how great YOUR butt looked in tight pants! How long have you two been dating? I remember my last boyfriend (Wes) always told me how he "preferred" chicks with brown hair, while my hair is off the charts platinum!!!! Lol...needless to say that we are not together anymore. He didn't say anything about your butt, BUT I'm sure next time he will better arrange his words! ;)
This is so honest! At one point, I was self-conscious about my derriere, saying to myself, as you have "I've been robbed of my birthright." lol
As I've grown I've learned to accept me for me. There's so many different body types and tastes that there's something out there for everyone. I've always been a small girl (5'3 never more than 110 lbs.), splurging on foods that are bad for you with no remorse b/c I don't gain weight (yea yea, I know). Recently I noticed my jeans haven't been able to close, or they just don't make it all the way up to my waist...inside I'm secretly happy because I didn't know I could gain weight on my waist or back there and I'm so excited. My boyfriend is not so excited about my tummy anymore, but I'm learning to work on that! I'm more excited about tightening what I got, and manipulating the weight gain!
Enough about me, I could understand how you would be offended by your bf's statement. It's good that you showed/told him how insensitive that was... summer time is around the corner and everybody is going to be flashing skin. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you said you liked something he didn't have. It's just not smart.
i totally understand how you felt. It's heartbreaking to hear something like that! A similar thing happened to me once with my boyfriend and it took me time to get over.
I do however thikn that he just meant he likes tight jeans. I know that it seems like he would have explained it sooner but honestly, guys are dumb sometimes, especially when they know they've offended you. I think he just got tongue tied and tripped over his words.
Don't take it to heart too much, he is definitely physically attracted to you - men don't stay with women who they aren't attracted to typically. Sad but true lol and heck honey, i'm sure you're GORGEOUS
I like your policy of never showing insecurity though, I have that same policy myself!
"I have a very tiny butt" is an understatement! jeje ;)
Hey there! I just tagged you in a 5 questions about you post over at my blog, if you're interested in sharing your answers!
i was just watching this stand up by russel peters on youtube, and he says it really well; the thing is that guys really dont put a lot of thought into what they say (or dont say) at most times... it looks like we do, because we're silent and apparently thinking often, but we're not... we have the ability to leave our minds COMPLETELY blank for copious amounts of time... so, give the guy a break, i'm sure he wants to copp a feel right now... :P
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